Funny Story

Well here's a funny story. It is about a man who died. He was interrogated/questioned at our office about allegations of corruption. We're talking really big figures here; about $2500 (currency not available). That's about enough money to buy you a motorcycle, a wallet and a good pair of shoes. There are other, more corrupted people but we took a liking to this one. So, we even invited him to spend the night at the office. And I must say, the hospitality was simply to-die-for. Do take note that he was not physically harmed by anyone (else) in any way. After (some reports suggest during) the interrogation, he strangled himself... probably beat himself up to a pulp; rolled around in a puddle of blood for effect too. Then, he decided to commit suicide by jumping out the window. 'Tis definitely the most viable explanation available. And homicide, the second most viable explanation, was ruled out altogether on account of absurdity. How people can even come up with weird ideas such as homicide escapes me.


And he was conscious the whole time. We know this because the "ashtray" showed us that the arms of the "diseased" were broken which meant that he attempted to break his fall by means of extending his arms. Now, if he was unconscious during the fall, "boast" his arms and "boast" his legs would not have ANY injury at all. Though it is funny how his arm injuries were on his upper arms. More common injuries would be the Colles' fracture or even the Smith's fracture, involving the wrist and the radius in the forearm. So, this could mean one of two things: either he was really unconscious during the fall or he attempted to break his fall with his elbows. Oh we're definitely going with the latter because it seems to be the more logical hypothesis of the two. 


I mean, we managed to overrule the professional opinion of this doctor whatshername during a cross-examination. We decided that we weren't going to accept her expert evidence because we don't recognise her university (MU, not to be mistaken for the lower ranked UM), despite it being (then) one of the top 5 (currently ranked top 30 by QS Top Universities) universities in all of Asia. Funny thing though: if we made up our minds not to accept her qualifications, why did we bother about having the inquest at all? I mean, if you showed me the pictures of the deceased and the scene of death, I'd definitely definitely vote 80% suicide but no one ever cares to investigate my opinion. Maybe it's because I'm not qualified... or recognised for that matter. Funny we cared about her opinion. But here's an idea: I think the legal inquiry was held to show the world the high caliber that makes our lawyers. So what we did was that we picked the most recognised, most qualified, top dog lawyer from the squad and he questioned doctor whatshername in English like he owned the language. Made us so proud.


Oh and by the way (back to the dead man), 2 MONTHS after his death, we found a suicide note in the sling bag he carried. It was a VERY HUGE BAG WITH MANY POCKETS... but we somehow managed. Also, he concealed it very well. After all, why would he want people to read his suicide note, right? It is so sad... he was supposed to get married the next day. So perhaps we should list that down as one of the possible triggers, right? Bridegroom-to-be... suicide... very very typical, right? He left his fiancée albeit the fact that she was expecting their child. Such an irresponsible man, was he not? Ah well.. it truly is a no brainer. It was definitely suicide. No one should be held responsible for his death. I mean... I know he fell from our office...

but we're the government. 

Note: interrogation. nobody hurt him. he hurt himself. jumped out the window. fell from our building. broke his fall with his elbows. fall broke his elbows. wife-to-be expecting baby. suicide note found after 2 months of hard work. we conclude that it was suicide. got it.