n'est ce pas

structural solemn

2011-05-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

With violent trembling, the earth cleft itself wide

A brother of mine stood bedraggled, unsound

As another, in a fit, fell ruptured in his side

His eyes were dim as he fell onto the ground

The rest of us stood in helpless awe

Beyond our ken, the tribulation we saw

And that we would soon encounter

Awkwardly poised, planted in a straight row

There was nowhere we could hide

Soothly, nowhere else that we could go

And at the first watch, another one of us died

As flames, menacing, rose up from within

Death, devouring another one of my kin

They said he was a tried structure

The humans descended thither, upon him

Brandishing a tonic from distant ocean

They examined him from limb to limb

And bestowed the uncanny potion

Some said it was an act of God

Or mayhap a melting fuel rod

But which? I searchingly wondered

What fate befalls the rest of us?

Mayhap to-morrow we shall see?

Nature struck with a wanion and thus

To-morrow’s end dwells in mystery

Might we have reached an impasse?

Would we gather a critical mass?

Thwarted by doubt and ambiguity

I await to-morrow’s portion

note: the writer disapproves.

Funny Story

2010-09-07T15:18:00.008+08:00

Well here's a funny story. It is about a man who died. He was interrogated/questioned at our office about allegations of corruption. We're talking really big figures here; about $2500 (currency not available). That's about enough money to buy you a motorcycle, a wallet and a good pair of shoes. There are other, more corrupted people but we took a liking to this one. So, we even invited him to spend the night at the office. And I must say, the hospitality was simply to-die-for. Do take note that he was not physically harmed by anyone (else) in any way. After (some reports suggest during) the interrogation, he strangled himself... probably beat himself up to a pulp; rolled around in a puddle of blood for effect too. Then, he decided to commit suicide by jumping out the window. 'Tis definitely the most viable explanation available. And homicide, the second most viable explanation, was ruled out altogether on account of absurdity. How people can even come up with weird ideas such as homicide escapes me.

And he was conscious the whole time. We know this because the "ashtray" showed us that the arms of the "diseased" were broken which meant that he attempted to break his fall by means of extending his arms. Now, if he was unconscious during the fall, "boast" his arms and "boast" his legs would not have ANY injury at all. Though it is funny how his arm injuries were on his upper arms. More common injuries would be the Colles' fracture or even the Smith's fracture, involving the wrist and the radius in the forearm. So, this could mean one of two things: either he was really unconscious during the fall or he attempted to break his fall with his elbows. Oh we're definitely going with the latter because it seems to be the more logical hypothesis of the two.

I mean, we managed to overrule the professional opinion of this doctor whatshername during a cross-examination. We decided that we weren't going to accept her expert evidence because we don't recognise her university (MU, not to be mistaken for the lower ranked UM), despite it being (then) one of the top 5 (currently ranked top 30 by QS Top Universities) universities in all of Asia. Funny thing though: if we made up our minds not to accept her qualifications, why did we bother about having the inquest at all? I mean, if you showed me the pictures of the deceased and the scene of death, I'd definitely definitely vote 80% suicide but no one ever cares to investigate my opinion. Maybe it's because I'm not qualified... or recognised for that matter. Funny we cared about her opinion. But here's an idea: I think the legal inquiry was held to show the world the high caliber that makes our lawyers. So what we did was that we picked the most recognised, most qualified, top dog lawyer from the squad and he questioned doctor whatshername in English like he owned the language. Made us so proud.

Oh and by the way (back to the dead man), 2 MONTHS after his death, we found a suicide note in the sling bag he carried. It was a VERY HUGE BAG WITH MANY POCKETS... but we somehow managed. Also, he concealed it very well. After all, why would he want people to read his suicide note, right? It is so sad... he was supposed to get married the next day. So perhaps we should list that down as one of the possible triggers, right? Bridegroom-to-be... suicide... very very typical, right? He left his fiancée albeit the fact that she was expecting their child. Such an irresponsible man, was he not? Ah well.. it truly is a no brainer. It was definitely suicide. No one should be held responsible for his death. I mean... I know he fell from our office...

but we're the government.

Note: interrogation. nobody hurt him. he hurt himself. jumped out the window. fell from our building. broke his fall with his elbows. fall broke his elbows. wife-to-be expecting baby. suicide note found after 2 months of hard work. we conclude that it was suicide. got it.

So I thought...

2010-06-30T18:14:00.005+08:00

"Nasi goreng tom yam satu" (I asked for a plate of fried rice, simply put)

"Okay" (Okay)

Then, pointing at what looked like a tray of mutton curry (I have a very unhealthy fondness for mutton), I asked the Malay woman a simple question.

"Ini daging kambing ke?" (Is this mutton?)
"Ya" (Yes)

She said that nodding simultaneously, as if to provide extra assurance... as if to acknowledge my conversational prowess... as if it was the normal thing to do; to say "yes" with a nod the size of yo' momma.

So I asked to have a scoop of that as well. I paid 2.50SGD for the meal and sat myself down, thinking that that was by far the cheapest scoop of mutton curry I ever paid for. It was quite a large scoop as well, covering about two thirds of the plastic plate that looked like a banana leaf.

I found one thing funny about the mutton curry: there was no smell. But I guess I did not care. My hunger got the better of me and I took a scoop of the "mutton curry" anyway and ate it....

It was unusually chewy... not in the meaty, muscly sense, but rather it was pulpous and marshmallow-y, if I may use such a term. Carefully dissecting one of the apparent mutton pieces, I stumbled upon its spongy, porous interior. It was then that it occurred to me... it was a piece of fried tofu.

Well, I guess looks can be very be deceiving. The plate looked like a banana leaf, the tofu looked like mutton, and the lady looked like she could understand Malay.

Singapore... in the words of CNBlue's Yong Hwa. "That is her charm." (Not the Malay lady. Singapore... )

pwned.

goodbye mr.sandman

2010-06-25T02:30:00.000+08:00

my love i apologise deeply

my day has been too taxing

and hence i am simply

being thrifty in spending

the hours left over

after such a taxing day

my dear i am so sorry

my day has been too hassling

you see, the night so starry

indicates my day is ending

so i’ll be seeing you tomorrow

that is, if it is a more propitious day

my darling i am ever contrite

my day has been so tiring

i cannot humor you tonight

i have a schedule in the morning

so tomorrow’s no good either

so perhaps i’ll find another day

to listen to your questions

to which i have no answer

my sweetheart i bid you goodnight

my day has been so demanding

i would love to stay and chat

i would love to just do that but

my eyes are giving way

my mind is void of things to say

so i guess this is goodnight

so i gue.... z

More Than Friends

2010-04-18T23:26:00.005+08:00

说真的，每天早上
shuo zhen de, mei tian zao shang
电话一响，我就起床

dian hua yi xiang, wo jiu qi chuang
听到你的声音，我会傻笑

ting dao ni de sheng yin, wo hui sha xiao
我很开心

wo hen kai xin
但是我不知道原因

dan shi wo bu zhi dao yuan yin

说真的，我很喜欢你

shuo zhen de, wo hen xi huan ni
当我想起你时
dang wo xiang qi ni shi
我的心跳会加速
wo de xin tiao hui jia su
但是你叫我宝贝的时候

dan shi ni jiao wo bao bei de she hou
我觉得尴尬

wo jue de gan ga

我知道我对你不公平
wo zhi dao wo dui ni bu gong ping
我没想过我们之间的关系
wo mei xiang guo wo men zhi jian de guan xi
已经太迟了
yi jing tai chi le
但现在
dan xian zai,
我怕接受你的爱
wo pa jie shou ni de ai

我知道我是傻瓜
wo zhi dao wo shi sha gua

我时常想太多

wo shi chang xiang tai duo

麻烦事在我们之间

ma fan shi zai wo men zhi jian

这是我无法阻至的

zhe shi wo wu fa zu zi de

我实在很乱

wo shi zai hen luan

当头炮，马来跳

dang tou pao, ma lai tiao
我阻止你的进步

wo zu zhi ni de jin bu
我希望你不讨厌我

wo xi wang ni bu tao yen wo
我避开你不是不爱你

wo bi kai ni bu shi bu ai ni
是我不要伤害你

shi wo bu yao shang hai ni

你的爱，给我太多
ni de ai, gei wo tai duo

我的爱，我不敢给

wo de ai, wo bu gan gei

我不知道怎样

wo bu zhi dao zen yang

跟你解释

gen ni jie shi
我不要骗你

wo bu yao pian ni

我对你不起。。。
wo dui ni bu qi...

note: and once again.

Flowers or Chocolates

2010-04-09T15:26:00.015+08:00

我最近研究了一件事情

wo zui jin yan jiu le yi jian shi qing
但是我还不会跟你说

dan shi wo hai bu hui gen ni shuo
太复杂的情话，太复杂的解释

tai fu zha de qing hua, tai fu zha de jie shi
我为什么爱你

wo wei shen me ai ni

牵着你的手，抱住你的恩典

qian zhe ni de shou, bao zhu ni de ern dian
我还不明白，不会解释

wo hai bu ming bai, bu hui jie shi
我对你的感觉有多深

wo dui ni de gan jue you duo shen
可能我很愚蠢

ke neng wo hen yu chun

我发觉我是一个很自私的人

wo fa jue wo shi yi ge hen zi si de ren
我常问自己

wo chang wen zi ji
什么是幸福，什么是爱

shen me shi xin fu, shen me shi ai

我忘了问你

wo wang le wen ni

你送我玫瑰花还有巧克力

ni song wo mei gui hua hai you qiao ke li
我不是不喜欢，但是

wo bu shi bu xi huan dan shi
玫瑰花很脆弱

mei gui hua hen cui ruo
巧克力不可以衡量爱

qiao ke li bu ke yi heng liang ai

所以虽然我觉得很开心

suo yi sui ran wo jue de hen kai xin
但我发觉到不是因为是花的美

dan wo fa jue dao bu shi yin wei shi hua de mei

或者是巧克力的甜味

huo zhe shi qiao ke li de tian wei
我继续问我自己为什么

wo ji xu wen wo zi ji wei shen me

过了那么久，终于找到了

guo le na me jiu, zhong yu zhao dao le
当我想起让我开心的事

dang wo xiang qi rang wo kai xin de shi
不是玫瑰花，不是巧克力

bu shi mei gui hua, bu shi qiao ke li

让我开心的，就是你

rang wo kai xin de, jiu shi ni

你是我的幸福，你是我的爱

ni shi wo de xin fu, ni shi wo de ai

所以我爱你 ^^

suo yi wo ai ni

^^ ai ni o

note: decided to try something different. it is simple, nothing special. i wrote it. my friends helped with the characters.

verbosity factor

2010-03-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

they say my posts are too wordy.

Fräulein-Träumer

2010-03-04T20:46:00.003+08:00

between the waiting room and the stage

that is where it--

quick quick slow, repeat and turn

a dancer, born and bred

it was all too slow for you

a short pause, a bump in the shoulder,

a brief apology

just as nervous as you are

and even more so

a hitch in his breath confirms it

your shoulders collide

he rushed, fumbling

you choose to ignore it

worse has happened

but as he turns around

and his eyes meet yours; almost

another apology

no regrets now

you shake your head

as if to say it is okay

you stammer half the sentence--barely
and his eyes meet yours
this time for real; almost literally
and for the first time in your life, perhaps
you see it: honesty

your knees give way
he swoops down, gaze unswerving
your heart skips a beat; maybe two
your lips: parted, but speechless
they say nothing of the
chaos in your mind
they say--
they mumble meaninglessly

as your cheeks turn scarlet
you cognise but two things
time stopped
his eyes: they are brown

mooning, you find yourself
abstracted; perhaps even dazed
taken in without a struggle
you find yourself limp, fragile
captivated by the colour--
brown

note: read as if words keep slipping your mind as you are about to say them. the author leaves the interpretation of this one, vague as it may seem, to your discernment. however, just like the rest, there are clues within its body.

note: inspired by half a fanfic/story about two Kpop idols, written by the author's friend, Joan. this, on the other hand, is not about said idols.

I am not your mother. I won't tell you to apologise. You are old enough to know(We all pray and hope)

2010-02-05T16:01:00.008+08:00

on my cbox:
4 Feb 10, 18:07
JonC: or person. so free ah?
4 Feb 10, 18:06
JonC: wow. ball-less people.
25 Jan 10, 20:07
Tommy.V: hey Mr.Han Jon you putting you life in risk by messing with my company associate... Mr Rambo. I bet you wouldn't like you love ones to be in risk too...
25 Jan 10, 06:36
Hj: woo rambo rambo rambo... don't use that name if u're not rambo T.T u mempersiasuikan John Rambo la.. he solo whole campsite, but u? u scolding here but
not face to face? SADISTTT
22 Jan 10, 02:14
Rambo: and for you Jonan go finger your asshole
22 Jan 10, 02:14
Rambo: go finger yourself *****
22 Jan 10, 01:39
Tommy.V: you have a problem Mr. LeeKaichi! am I talking to you... A s s clown
21 Jan 10, 01:55
Hj: HELLO JONAN :*
20 Jan 10, 02:11
k@ichi: litlle timmy v has a bubu? awww
20 Jan 10, 02:11
k@ichi: rambo.....hmm, nice name for someone who hasnt got the balls
20 Jan 10, 00:42
Amanda L.: > Tommy V and rambo: get lost and SHUT UP
18 Jan 10, 14:56
jwqe: Tommy V and rambo: crappy cowards
12 Jan 10, 02:50
Joshua: Wow...what's with this crap?
11 Jan 10, 01:33
rambo: **** you loser
11 Jan 10, 01:32
rambo: and suck it..
11 Jan 10, 01:32
rambo: shave your balls.
11 Jan 10, 01:32
rambo: I tell you what to do..you go get some shaving cream put some on your balls
11 Jan 10, 01:31
rambo: **** u man..you pathetic loser.
11 Jan 10, 01:13
Tommy.V: stop it already now! yo are no more in high school.. there is something wrong with your face you that and is funny like a clown!
11 Jan 10, 01:10
Tommy.V: you are the most biggest loser ever.Check your hair out!haha your sis have a nice A S S

on k@ichi's cbox:
Tommy.V: Micheal Corleone send his regards! remember to watch every step you and every move you make!
2010-01-21 4:42 PM

on Amanda L's cbox

22 Jan 10, 00:46

Tommy.V: My female dog looks like you.

From the Author's desk:

Firstly, I would like to say that you guys, tommy v and company associate rambo(I'll assume that there are two of you), are the cutest pair of anonymous cbox flamers that I've encountered so far. In my opinion, you guys are simply adorable. Yes, I said it. Adorable. Michael Corleone-The Godfather? I mean, whoever in their right minds (in this era) would use Michael Corleone's name to make threats? You! On kai chi's blog. That was so funny! You might as well say,"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house away" or some other cute line. You guys are such a delusional pair, it's quite tragic to see, actually; I almost choked laughing though. Wannabes like you guys must either be card-carrying members from the local Mafiawars club(tribute to the godfather) or simply devotees to this godfather religion that you probably made up. How much is the member's fee anyway? Are you guys recruiting? Also, tommy v, you tried to act cute with han jon with all your talk about him putting his loved ones at risk by messing with your company associate. Now that's taking 'cute' to the next level. You guys are good. I should pay you. You should do little birthday parties too. I mean with cool, intimidating gangster names like tommy v, rambo and lil rayray I bet you pose a major threat to society. Did you get them from the facebook gangster name generator? Like, "what is your GANGSTER name?" I have to say, you guys are the bomb.

Well, the fun's over. On a more serious note, it seems that you have begun to annoy a couple of my friends. You didn't annoy me, though. So I'm sorry your little plan didn't work out but here's some advice: if you want to annoy me, come at me through facebook(because I'm actually using it). Hit me with a pillow, maybe. But don't flame my dead blog. It's dead. Observe my last post. Friday, July 10, 2009. I could care more about the hardship that the cabbage I ate for lunch had to go through than about this dead blog. Or maybe you should come at me in person. Face me like the man you imagine urself to be and perhaps, and only perhaps, a tiny pair of trinkets, also called balls(my friend JonC so graciously pointed out your lack of such things) will displace the air or otherwise, vacuum that currently exists between your legs. With all due respect, tommy v and rambo, we expected more heroics rather than cowardice accompanied by delusions of heroics. You should come up with better. Also, you should apologise to my friends. I'm not your mother. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I'm just saying you should. =)

On another note, let's be real here. We all know why you are doing this anonymously. You are afraid of confrontation(I'm talking about confrontation of any kind at all), which is sad. However, it is not unreasonable. I would imagine it to be quite hard for godfather devotees to fit into today's society. Also, judging from the recent traffic in my blog, I think you have been visiting my blog a lot to see if you got any replies. Your replies to my friends are always so prompt. There is no doubting it; I guess you are who you are, whether you are 2 people or simply 1 lonesome person with an imaginary company associate/company/friend;
you are the typical social outcast.

You know, it would be very, very embarrassing for you if your identity/identities was/were found out, and you know that very well. What does this go to prove? You are in a very bad position, are you not? It is so disadvantageous for you to come to my homeground anonymously and dirty it with your shit. See? I can write shit without it looking like ****. That puts you in an even more disadvantageous position, mainly because all you ever write on my cbox is *** **** and ****. And what does that add up to? You have managed to make yourselves look like idiots and you are not even in your own blog. You are in mine, which means that I can kick your arse and there's nothing you can do about it. tommy my boy, in attempting to spell 'ass', A S S is a very pathetic approach. Why can't you come up with something more intelligent? Perhaps, expand your vocabulary. There are many words in synonymity with the word ass; a lot of them are "legal". I'm sure your kindie teachers wouldn't mind if you asked them if you could stay back after morning kindie to practice words with them. In fact, I'll do you ONE favour. I'll hook you up with a friend of mine. He'll teach you how to talk to strangers, how to tackle girls... It will be so much fun!

But here's some more praise, I went on a half-a-year hiatus and although I did visit my blog once in awhile, I never came across so much action as this. tommy v and rambo, kudos to you for filling up my blog with so much life. Thank you for providing us with so much amusement. Especially with all the oh-so-promising death threats. However, like I said, you should apologise to my friends.

Don't go anywhere, please. In fact, stay. I would like to see how far this would go. I'm talking about, say.. 10-15 years down the road? I hope you continue to post insults on my cbox. I love it when people dedicate their entire lives to me, in any way at all. So, thank you both for your kind dedication. I will carry on with my life, and you, on the other hand, will place your life on the sacrificial pit for this sole purpose: to annoy me(which of course, will fail, time and again). So, please stay. Don't leave my blog. I need the traffic. Do drop a comment and click on my nuffnang ads while you are at it. I need the money.

Thanks and have a nice day =)

to the coward who flamed my sister's blog.

2009-07-10T13:27:00.007+08:00

i came across this in my sister's blog.

9 Jul 09, 22:45
agirlandaboy.: * B I T C H
9 Jul 09, 22:44
agirlandaboy.: hey. u r a ***** la! same as ur fren!!! ur sis aso very ugly!! uhh!!

==============================

ah... the typical almost-anonymous cbox flamer. agirlandaboy, do take time to hear me out.

i still cannot believe you used the word "ugly". though you probably think it is a clever insult, don't you?

i know my sister well enough. she wouldn't retaliate. she'd refuse to stoop down to your level. in fact, she would simply ignore you. she wouldn't even bother to delete your cbox messages or the cbox, for it shall be testament to your unpolished self, for that is what you are... a low-browed coward who makes use of unintelligent and offensive words, for what purpose? to insult my sister?

oh but here's where realisation comes into play. do you really think that you are insulting my sister? do take time to ponder your actions... and your next words, though there should not be any. your actions have shamed no one but yourself. they also reflect upon your upbringing(not the nicest thing to say, but i pray you suck it up like the hero you imagine yourself to be). Joshua says he would like to teach you some manners. but that is clearly not his job, hence i will not let him. perhaps if you went home and consulted your parents, they would help you out.

next time you wish to say something, say it to her face. of course, it would still be as unintelligent(tho' we hope not), but at least you get points for bravery.

i hope you do not flame my blog after this. but, i am ready. though i'd usually "refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent" firstly, because i am a gentleman. secondly, because you wouldn't understand half the insults that i'd be throwing at you. perhaps for you i would make an exception. be warned.
misbehaviour will not be tolerated. not by me, at least.

however, we do understand that you have your reasons for anonymous flaming. having so many things to say but having such low self-esteem, i bet it brings you so much comfort that your identity remains unknown while you let all your thoughts flow. It is okay. we understand =) don't do it again, yea? thanks and have a nice day.

hikikomori: avpd

2009-06-14T21:42:00.007+08:00

i try to find the words to say
but they seem all too far away
far away beyond my reach
inspiration none could teach
would you hearken if i spake
that mere words be all it would take
to melt your stubborn heart

i try to reach my arms to you
but dreams seem too good to be true
true enough they scatter as dust
life seems almost too unjust
would you reach me through the haze
would you meet me if i gazed
into your dreamy eyes

i try to say a word or two
but one or two seems all too few
too few to draw attention here
to reach the comfort of your ear
would you listen if i tried
to say the words i never could
but think of everyday

each night i dream of seeing you
and hope that you would see me too
but to no avail does dreaming go
because you will never know..
each morning sings a symphony
every moment mocking me
i sit forlorn and hum a long
a nightingale without a song

note: the poet rolls his eyes at this poem. he thinks it was written by someone else.

musings of the angered muse

2009-06-06T11:04:00.003+08:00

lo, we shall write forthwith
and forthwith i say
swiftly, make haste
do not delay
but she doth not heed
my tongue, not to-day
nor tomorrow
for she slumbers
... dreamless
my muse, she lies

oft clairvoyance-beckoned, she works
grunting o'er her prowess
begrudgingly doth she toil
scheming tomorrow's skullduggery
bellowing out all mortal coil

her woe, she makes evident
her anger, very well shown
gnashing teeth against each stroke quill'd
shall i regret when the hour is come
that scorned belle hath no fury like a muse half-kill'd

to the fairest

2009-06-06T02:25:00.002+08:00

i remember the day i met you
i still think it is funny
how fate has its ways
of bringing people together
and tearing them apart
ripping open a broken heart
i scarce can say any more

when the pain of writing
every verse
does not make the pain
of letting go any worse
than the pain of holding
on to you
and promises unkept

when tears drown out
whatever's left unsaid
when what's left of my heart
is but stippled flecks of red
excruciating pain seems but a joke
heartache seems a luxury
for now, to me...

the tiny fragments of my heart
lie over the ocean's floor
tho' the waters keep it safe
you cannot hurt it anymore
goodbye for now and tomorrow
perhaps if we see each other
i will smile at you when ready

goodbye for everyday i said hello
thinking i would never say goodbye
goodbye for every tear you shed
goodbye, my love, goodbye
goodbye til' my throat is sore
i will say this once, no more
goodbye, my love, goodbye

perhaps after all the pain
i will look back at myself and laugh
and reminisce about you and how
you were once a hand to hold,
somebody to love.

note: and so i split it, like a pair of eights.

Kallistēi

2009-06-01T12:13:00.009+08:00

it was funny
you never called
never said goodbye
never said hi either
which was funnier

it was funny
you never cared
enough to care
tho' you tried
which was funnier

it was funny
how you lied
so many times
i believed you
which was funnier

really funny
how you brought hope
and took it back
...repeatedly
which was funnier

really funny
how you said
so many things
i refused to hear
so funny

so funny
how you blamed
your scars
for causing mine
at least i thought so

was funnier
how we turned out
how some things were
just not meant to be
...funny

it is funny
why no one is laughing
maybe it isn't funny anymore
maybe jokes grow cold
as do hearts.

note: this is supposed to be funny. read with a smile and laugh hysterically at the end of each stanza. short pause before each of every last two sentences for maximum effect.

maybe it hurts too much to laugh,
albeit it being so painfully funny.

once again.

2009-02-04T21:43:00.004+08:00

from the same girl.

Whoever who gets tagged has to write 10 things about the person who tagged him/her:
1.) She cries easily
2.) She's sensitive
3.) She's pleasant
4.) She's usually quite jovial
5.) She has her sad moments
6.) She falls, picks herself up, and smiles.
7.) She's a little girl, despite the fact that she could watch PG-13 movies
8.) But she's pretty tall
9.) She's still little though.
10.) She likes Liverpool

The person who got tagged has to write 10 things about himself/herself:
The author of this blog
1.) refuses to reveal himself, though the pictures are already doing a pretty good job at that..
2.) thinks that the world is actually flat with infinite exact replicas of itself placed side by side on one plane, like a giant jigsaw puzzle... it is only due to the bending of light and such, that the earth looks spherical from out there, space, where the little brown box called "sun" is.
3.) needs aspirin
4.) needs more aspirin
5.) wonders... if you sleep in the morning and wake up at night, will breakfast still be considered breakfast?
6.) likes abstract paintings
7.) thinks too much, apparently... due to overthinking, he sometimes finds it hard to sleep. on such occasion, the immediate consumption of essence of chicken on the very next day is in order.
8.) as of now, his inspiration is on holiday in timbuktu or chernobyl... or so he thinks.
9.) perhaps he will write more when his inspiration decides that it's being an idiot and comes back home... provided that tests and exams are scarce
10.) needs aspirin.

Here's the twist, if I tagged you, and when you must write something about me, you can only take 5 or less from the above. the other 5 or more will have to be from you.

At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names:
1.) juju
2.) jiang may
3.) janna
4.) japhia
5.) anyone who wants to do this.

supposedly impersonal.

2009-02-02T23:22:00.010+08:00

there's this girl... and she really wants me to do this. =(

A Picture of You at the Place You Dislike

A Picture of People Who Mean A lot to You (decided to go with the family picture. those of you who mean a lot to me. you know who you are.)

A Picture of You With The Lamest Pose (can't believe i'm actually doing this.)

A Picture of Someone Who Stands On Top of Your Heart

A Picture of You With Stuffed Toy (the closest i get to "stuffed toy")

A Picture of You in a White Shirt

fire, chagrin, darkness and love

2008-12-27T14:25:00.001+08:00

so much uncertainty holds the future
so take two steps back for each one forward
take time to ponder, retrace your steps
take time to think before you relapse
to settle the vagueness or settle for vague
to do without, or to make do with

look both ways before dashing through fire
for life, tho' filled with wonders, withholds no fury
be watchful, resilient and ready
for the hour is at hand
the time is pledged to come
where for the sake of addressing matters deep
one forsakes all needs and wants
hesitant, he chooses which one to keep

love is indeed blind, so much
it knows not whom it smites
the smit, blinded by love
see the beauty of it all
not a care in the world
they laugh as they fall
to their own tragic deaths
almost righteous

the pain is bearable
but the confusion is not
the swarms are coming
they devour you as you rot
and your mind wonders
into the swirling pit
you've dug for yourself
a perfect fit
you are going nowhere

then from nowhere the sun emerges
the light is shed upon your head
all is aglimmer, and you find
the pit two, three feet tall
it was all in your mind
the lunacy of it all
you smile as your body fades away
a delicate flower by the sea
the soil tells each passerby
he loved again
in sin did he die

and such is the price for all to pay
for the sin of loving is great
no one escapes from judgment day
not he, not they, not today.

pas de deux: perplexité

2008-12-16T06:10:00.007+08:00

the moment, 'tis dusk
over you i fawn
you are difficult
falsely withdrawn

ever i wait
tho' ever worn
anticipation...
still, left forlorn

i pine, i beg
i win no mercy
oh the suspense
is draining me

i wilt, i wane
and fade away
oh do make haste
oh do i pray

i die inside
but i stand strong
tho' i doubt i could last
'til night is gone

message after message
reply is the same
i'd very much like
to stop playing this game

so why don't you just
listen here, baby
just shut up
and kiss me already

The Poet Forsakes The Quill.

2008-10-27T21:02:00.002+08:00

After much consideration, the poet decides to go on a month's hiatus.

p/s: on a personal note... i don't see the difference.

meine heimat.

2008-10-12T03:34:00.004+08:00

the door is left ajar
without a thief in sight
silent music from a star
plays throughout the night

half a pint of ale
candle wax on the floor
broth, almost stale
from the night before

the stairs skreigh in rhyme
with the ticking of the clock
which strikes out of time
without a well-timed knock

the bed is woven thin
hence the sores upon my back
still i wake with a grin
for i am without lack

though i wander into space
wherever i may roam
there still is no other place
no other place like home

note: imperfection intended.

Entity of the Shadow.

2008-10-06T21:17:00.003+08:00

who am i?
i know not
indeed it is
but slow poison
slowly
biding time
as it spreads
into the deep
so rash, indiscreet
as it spreads

who is he?
my curiosity
how it develops
into this
abominable cyst
who he is
i long to know
who taunts
and smirks
i long to know

is he me?
slowly
the shadows creep
into the night
the wind cries forth
the light gives way
and all is dark
he vanishes
out of sight
and all is dark...

Tags Are People Too

2008-09-25T20:16:00.005+08:00

The rules are simple.
1. You shall put your music player on shuffle.
2. You shall press forward for each question.
3. You shall use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. You shall give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?
The End of Heartache - Killswitch Engaged
(sleep brings release and hope of a new day waking the misery...)

Will you get far in life?
The Scientist - Coldplay
(nobody said it was easy)

How do your friends see you?
There She Goes - The Cranberries
(WHAT!!?)

What is your best friend's theme song?
Kiss Goodbye - Wang Lee Hom
(....)

What is the story of your life?
Everything I Need - From Autumn To Ashes
(not exactly)

What was high school like?
Short Stories With Tragic Endings - From Autumn To Ashes
(refer to title)

How can you get ahead in life?
Better Man - John Butler Trio
(and you know this is true)

What is the best thing about your friends?
I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - David Cook
(and even if i dream of you)

What is in the store for this weekend?
Tears Don't Fall - Bullet For My Valentine
(the darkness calls the guilty to come home)

How is your life going?
World Ablaze - Killswitch Engaged
(refer to title)

What song will they play on your funeral?
Could Have Been - Mandy Moore
(*sigh* refer to title)

What do your friends really think about you?
Nemo - Nightwish
(my loving heart lost in the dark...)

Do people secretly lust about you?
Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Michael Buble
(refer to title)

How can I make myself happy?
I'd Lie - Taylor Swift
(...)

What should you do with your life?
Out Of Control - Hoobastank
(refer to title)

Will you ever have children?
I Don't Wanna Cry - Mariah Carey
O.O

Tags Will Take Over The World One Day.

2008-09-21T23:02:00.004+08:00

Tagged by Juju. The writer must do this tag... or face the wrath of the woman from whence it came. Looks interesting... and if that isn't good enough, it seems i can replace any question i dislike. Ooo...

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves..

1. Do you have secrets?
I'm not telling you.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
To have a dream come true.

3. Ever floured somebody on their birthday?
nope... but I've caked a few people...

4. In not more than 3 words, define the word "blank".

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
and just who might that be, huh? *silence* hmm... thought so.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
both... but I'd settle for loving someone... something I could do.

7. What is a logpile?
It is indeed a pile of logs. *applause*

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Depending on the definition of the phrase "secretly like"

9. Where do you live?
In the back of your mind.

10. What gets you down the fastest?
A high speed train...

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
With the aid of a mirror, I suppose.

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Depends on the word "currently". Do you mean important as of now? Or important as of late?

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She's fun... to bully. She's nice... to sit on. She's beautifully... retarded. She's a girl... with a machete. She's innocent... no. She's not. She's Juju. I wonder... What's in a name?

14. Chocolate or Sushi?
Sushi-flavoured Chocolates

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Think of the first thing I'm going to do when I wake up.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Inappropriate question. not answering

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Neither. I'll wait till one of them dies.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Doing it already.

19. What kinda songs are you into now?
Songs that get me into the mood.

And Once Again, Boredom Strikes.

2008-09-10T21:21:00.004+08:00

[Tagged by this girl named Kelly Ping]

1. The last person to tag you is?
Khai Mean I believe... or was it Haim Kean, or Haik Name...

2. Your relationship with him/her ?
i guess the appropriate term would be "friends"

3. Your 5 impression towards him/her ?
friendly, nice, she likes.. taking photos. she's... we don't really talk much.

4. The most memorable thing that he/she has ever done for you ?
uh huh... well..

5. The most memorable words that he/she spoke to you ?
hello.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will...
be afraid... be very afraid...

7. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will..
bomb her with C4

8. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on...
the art of shooting super powered lasers from the bottom of her skull

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
because she's gonna read this and the stuff i wrote for the first 8 questions

10. The most desirable things to do for him/her is...
i wouldn't know... i wouldn't want to know.

11. Overall impression towards him/her is...
she's nice.

12. How do you think the people around you will feel about you ?
i'm crazy.

13. The character for you for yourself is ?
what?

14. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
... what?

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
stupid question, stupid answer

16. For the person who cares and likes you, say something about him/her.
i do not know you.

17. Ten people to tag.

1. Sue Li
2. Huey Sing
3. Daphne
4. Jewel
5. Jane
6. Khai Mean
7. Lawrence
8. Q. Wei
9. Wendy
10. Philemon

18. Who is number 2 having a relationship with ? [huey sing]
i dunno

19. Is 3 a male or a female ? [Daphne]
i'll tell you when i'm sure.

20. If number 7 and 10 got together, would that be a good thing ? [Lawrence and Philemon]
that's such a jolly good idea!!!

21. How about 5 and 8 ? [Jane and Q. Wei]
i'm not sure. just might work...

22. What is number 1 studying about ? [Sue Li]
boring junk.

23. When was the last time you had a chat with them ? [them]
them as in.. as in, all of them? been awhile..

24. Is number 4 single ? [Jewel]
think so...

25. Say something about number 2. [Huey Sing]
she's crazy.

Too Tired To Think Of Some Clever Name

2008-09-03T20:18:00.013+08:00

The writer's exams are just over. He shall therefore continue writing. My college should be burnt to the ground........ pretend you didn't read that.

NOTE: This post was written on 31/08/08. "they" refers to the people in charge, who also have money.

WARNING: this post pays compliments to the writer's country. You will find absolutely no humour here. If you are a "hater", I beseech you to flee this blog at once. There is only room for ONE "hater" in this blog and its my blog. Not yours. But mine.

Everyone's fastened safely to the ceilings. So here we go...

And so today is Independence Day/ Freedom Day/ Everybody-Sing-Song Day/ Oh-So-Patriotic Day/ I've-Just-Memorised-The-National-Anthem-Yesterday-To-Prepare-For-Today Day.Of course it is exciting... to a certain extent. Quite an extended extent, actually. But still...

Yesterday/Today/12.00am(d-UH), I went to watch a dazzling fireworks display... rephrase: I went to watch a nice fireworks display... rephrase: I went to watch the fireworks. I have to say, that I was and still am rather disappointed at the "display", if that's what you would call it. The fireworks were "budget fireworks". Plus, the whole thing was not exactly organised. It was like firing random shots into the air. I for one, hated it. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Independence Day. The idea of being set free... it captivates me. I'm just disappointed that "they" did not do a better job. "They" should've put more effort and money into it.

Speaking of money, it is understood that money has to be spent wisely, especially when economic crisis strikes. There is no room for frivolous purchases, such as Russian spaceships. Every penny counts, or in this case, every 3.14 sen.

This calls for good budgeting. About the fireworks? An example of bad budgeting. you will see why later. So, no questions please.

Now, budgeting is very simple... once you get the hang of it.
The simple definition of budget: priority first, toys later.

or to be less extreme...

more money spent on priorities, less money spent on toys.

However, "they" have failed to budget... for a very long time. This is so annoying.

Here are some examples of things that "they" should budget on:
1. Sending a doctor/*cough*biostudent*cough* to outer space. Whatever for? RM 102 million is no joke. There is so much room for improvement in our country and so many BASIC needs that "they" have so far, failed to meet. It is wrong to indulge in such luxury when such needs are not met. Priority comes first, people. Look at the state of our country. It is pathetic, it is a disgrace, it has no education system, it is economically unstable and it is corrupt. So what did we decide to do about it? we sent a person... who's not an astronaut... to space... for fun. A jolly good investment.
"when i grow up I WANNA BE AN ASTRONAUT!!"
"oh.. why?"
"because i get to see SPACE!"
"oh. really? Well, why don't you become an orthopaedic surgeon then?"

(-_-)"""

In a completely unrelated case, on the 20th of July 1969, a spaceship from Glamourworld(the place where people actually look sexy in big, bulky space suits) called Apollo 11 landed on the moon. The moon! They even have their flag there to tell us that it belongs to them because they found it first.... and here we are, a good thirty eight and a half years later... and we're not even using our own spaceship(because we haven't built it yet). Doesn't this tell you a little something about our nation's development? But still, we're SO proud of our "achievement". Well.. we have every right to be, eh? I mean, this is great news! We have just discovered space! Give yourselves a good round of applause, everyone.*APPLAUSE* we couldn't have done it without your tax money. Our doctor; I guess he IS the first mycountry-ian to eat satay and cookies in space. Now that is definitely Guinness Book of World Records material there. His parents must be so proud...

2. Buying other people's garbage. people want to throw their old junk away... but "they" think that its such a waste. I mean, the junk, it brings back so many joyous memories. So, "they" offer to buy the junk for a price. Very intelligent idea. It redefines the phrase "offer they can't refuse", the Russians, being not the most sentimental people in the world. Very soon, our country is going to be the international dumping ground for old, used spaceships. Reminds me of the old newspaper man. Nostalgic memories, yes. Our mark in history, boys. Smile and wave.

3. Sending morons to England for further study, only to have them sent back and labelled morons from Moronland. I am so annoyed by the system. Straight-A students who work hard are getting their scholarship applications denied because in Moronland, only Morons(the bazy lastards) deserve to get government scholarships. To distinguish the morons from the clever ones, the government sets an exam known as SPM, or Stupid PM. The clever ones who get scholarships are only lucky. This is because the government hands out scholarships according to a quota which is, moron 20:1 clever person. So, the morons leave the country, thus increasing the general IQ of the country, which is of course, bad. So, the government grants scholarships to the clever ones as well to compensate for the sudden increase in the country's general IQ. Oh yes, racial polarization comes into play as well.

4. Buying more C4. I wonder what do they need so much C4 for...

5. Buying watergun to shoot innocent people for the sake of national security.

6. Buying crooked swords for ethnic cleansing purposes.

7. Building rivers..... o_O to be used as an excuse to build bridges over the rivers to make it look as if "they" are doing the villagers a favour.

here are a few things they shouldn't budget so much on:
1. Roads. Don't get me started on our country's roads...

2. Education system. It would be good for us to have an education system in this country... with qualified teachers and qualified subjects. As of now, I wouldn't call it an education system. Education is defined as an activity/activities that impart knowledge or skill. Pengetahuan Moral/EST: NOT education. This goes for the rest of the subjects. Now, that crosses out the word education. To call it "system" would be ridiculous. so, I'll just name it "malaysian learning". I will not elaborate on this here. But, I promise to write a novel about this when I'm 50 and famous.

3. Subsidising petrol. Something "they" could do instead of pocketing half the nation's money.

4. Fireworks. Excuse me, it is our money, people. Give us a good show.

Sorry for the very few examples up there. But I'm tired. With that, I'd like to wish everybody a Happy Independence Day.

Dear readers.
I love my country. The place is beautiful. It has the best food in the world. The people are friendly and warm and the sun shines all year round. However, I have to say... I am very, very ashamed...

or, as our dear friend Sam V puts it,

"Kemaluan saya sangat besar"

Thank you.

Clarity.

2008-08-11T16:44:00.006+08:00

Good afternoon readers(yes, both of you),
The writer of this blog(me...d-UH) expresses his greetings in a somewhat cordial manner. Okay, that's it for niceties, formalities and all things "ties".

Now, kindly allow the writer to explain, laconically, to reader/s, the current absence/lackofnewblogpost.

1. Time is of the essence...
-The writer would like to inform reader/s(you/both of you) that he is currently in hades, also known as college, if the reader/s haven't/hasn't realised it yet(by means of being somewhat acquainted with writer/stalking). Readers are of course, not to be blamed. Maybe it has not occurred to the reader/s that after a typical-Malaysian-Chinese-*cough*-human person reaches a certain age, 18 maybe, he/she goes to college where he/she learns whatever he/she chooses to learn (e.g. the art of slashing tyres). It takes a lot of time/effort/money/brains/-insert utter rubbish here- to master such art. Therefore, the writer is -to put it in layman's terms- most eminently engaged in carrying out his lecturers' exceptionally exigent tasks in attempt to meet their deadlines that are set in accordance to their most fanciful whims and impulses.
In other words...

the writer is busy.

2. Empty mind...
- the writer does not know what to write.

2. Forgetfulness
-

3. Stable state of mind...
- The writer is, at this very moment, experiencing a phase, commonly known to man as mental stability. His muse? Temporarily gone. Therefore, he is not in the mood to write depressing songs/poems, which is what this blog is basically all about. So, he hands out his most sincere apologies(like one would normally do with cheap candy in a bag).

I am so sorry.
I am feeling somewhat stable nowadays, which makes it difficult for me to write depressing songs/poems, which makes my blog a little less interesting as there are no new posts, which makes my readers(both of you) a little less excited about reading my blog. So all in all, I am so sorry, readers. I am very very sorry for being stable and happy. Cursed happiness! Cursed happiness indeed! Such is life, eh?

4. 1010101010010100001110101001011010101000100101111111010101100000111000110101000111010101010101010010101001010100101010101001010101010101001010101010100100011111000010110101001011010101010101010101010101100101010101010101000011010101001010101010101000100011111010100010100101101010110101110011000111110011000100111110010010111110001110100000011110001001111001110001111001111001001010101101010101010100110101010111011010000101110011011101001010000011110101010101001010101010101010101010110101011100111000010100010010100101101010110101010100100101011101101010111010100110101111010101100011010101000101000101011

5. Somebody ate my last oreo...

Note: Please do forgive the writer should he sound anal. He is an idiot. Its a side effect of some sort. You have to understand. Somebody took his last oreo.

R.A.G.E Rawr

2008-07-31T05:39:00.003+08:00

And so I was in R.A.G.E.. I just remembered...

The Weaker Hand Experiment

The writings are a little too small, though...

JONAN WONG, 17

Weaker hand: Left

Day One

Using chopsticks to eat

It was hard... I think I just managed to pick a noodle

Play piano

I switched hands when playing the piano. Right hand played the bass. Left hand played the "goreng-goreng". It was tough. Haha. But it was fun

Pee

Peeing is easy... don't even need hands.

Day Two

Brushed my teeth with my left hand

Yikes! This one was real bad. I brushed too hard and hit the gums. Gonna be in a world of pain for a week. Sigh.

Day Three

SPM

I attempted to write one of my Biology Paper 3 essays with my left hand. LOL. I asked the invigilator to take the shot. Not easy writing with leftie. The words tend to get bigger and bigger... and weirder too...

(I got A1 LOL)

PC Game

I decided to play Call of Duty 2, a PC Game. I switched hands. My left hand manned the mouse and my right hand was on the keyboard. Wow... I kept shooting the sky. It was so hard to get my left hand used to the mouse. To make it worse, my mouse was a bit whacko. But, I did have my fair share of kills :)

END OF EXPERIMENT REMARKS:

Firstly, I don't know what I'd do without my right hand. Well, I could still pee, though. But that's about it.

Other than that, my leftie needs some practice and training. It was fun looking at my friends' faces as they wondered in amazement what I was doing. I had a lot of fun throughout the experiment.

However, the experiment wasn't an easy one. Using the weaker hand to do tasks is really dificult.

All in all, from this experiment, I learnt to be thankful to God for making me with two hands. They are not perfect, but I just can't imagine life without them.

A pianist without hands is a very sad one.

p/s: I failed to complete this experiment due to the SPM examinations.

Doesn't sound like me, does it? Ah well...

an ounce of philanthropy.

2008-07-31T05:21:00.003+08:00

Taggedy Hagged.

2008-07-29T01:35:00.003+08:00

Tagged by Khai Mean, or Haim Kean, or Haik Name... or however else you want to spell it.

RULE : Each player of this game starts of with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged have to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little know facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names. No TAG backs!

1. i like quoting my A Levels Physics teacher. "this is a simple question. okay, i have two balls..."

2. this is the national mongolian-girl-bombing service. we're sorry. all our operators are busy at the moment. if you would like to purchase a C4 charge, press 1. if you would like to book a court, press 2. if you are voldemort, press 3. if you are an astronaut, press 4. if you are a hobbit, press 5. if your name starts with N, press 6. thank you for using the national mongolian-girl-bombing service.

3. lalala~

4. i are monster. raarr.

5. ai em sepaideman!

6. i like chocolate chip.

7. i'b a dwagon. rwaarrr!!!

8. i'm darth vader. i'm your father. i'm crazy! i'm blaaaaggh!

9. 3y3 5?341< 1337

10. i'm your friendly neighbourhood narcissist.

i tag you. both of you.

mind is made.

2008-07-01T04:18:00.004+08:00

Jonan has just learnt something. Jonan has just learnt the truth. Jonan is happy... and free. Jonan can now live... again.

heaves yet another sigh...

2008-06-20T16:12:00.003+08:00

sigh. i haven't posted someone else's song in a long time. i guess now is a good time... this song moves me.
and just in case the "to pee or not to pee" post was out of place...

will she ever think of me?

The Phantom of The Opera - Think of Me

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
please promise me you'll try.

When you find that, once again,
you long to take your heart back
and be free -

if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do -

there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you . . .

Flowers fade,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have decisions, so do we
but please promise me, that sometimes
you will think of me...

take time to ponder.

2008-06-20T00:15:00.003+08:00

sigh. tagged by constance

***Rules***
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog; include a visual illustration if you like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the origianl post if possible
.4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

how much hurt can i bear

should i.

2008-06-19T02:52:00.004+08:00

tagged by serene chua

***Rules***
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog; include a visual illustration if you like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

i tag
1. Alicia
2. Janna
3. Ji Mi

to pee... or not to pee

My Pandemonium.

2008-06-16T05:57:00.007+08:00

Part 1
i smile a distant smile
i claim that all is well
but my heart, the pain it bears
oh, sentence me to hell

fake smiles and blatant lies
make tastefully conceal'd tears
they do, i falsify myself
but you haunt me through the years

to love would be so foolish
to hate, against all sense
so i pretend you do not matter
and i, feign indifference

i fail miserably, woe is me
why is love so unkind
woe is me, it burns, it burns
such torture to my mind

my dear heart, it bleeds for you
to love at such expense
my heart oh how it argues
with my mind in your defense

Part 2
"she lies!"my mind speaks its thoughts
my hearts says,"that's not true.
i love her. that's all that matters"
"oh, but she does not love you"

"but she does,"naivety utters
joining forces with my heart
"sure she does!"logic's two cents
"like a bullock loves a cart"

"no. that's not the case at all"
"well, if it's not something's amiss
she does not even say 'hi'
to acknowledge you exist"

my heart, it cries in pain
my mind, it heaves a sigh
"i'm sorry but it's true
even you cannot deny"

Part 3
perhaps it is all true...
what my mind tells my heart
perhaps distance is not the
substance that keeps us far apart

perhaps she would laugh
perhaps she would smile
perhaps i would soon realise
that she's not worth my while

or perhaps my mind plays tricks
and i should not ponder too much
perhaps after pain comes healing
oh, perhaps the case is such

perhaps this building's tall enough
perhaps she holds me dear
perhaps i should just jump now
perhaps... she'd shed a tear

note: do not worry. im not suicidal... just a lil sad. will get better soon. hopefully....

lover's lament.

2008-06-15T03:11:00.004+08:00

you bask in the sun
and dance in the rain
i watch from the shade
only in vain

a mortal wound
fervent pain
such is my heart
cleft in twain.

The Challenge? Not exactly...

2008-06-14T02:10:00.017+08:00

I neglected my blog for quite some time.... well, here's a lil treat.

This guy had it coming... the second poem is my response. I shall censor his name... to lessen his shame... not that it will help much.

A hint of who he is:

"If ur bored, call me. If you have no credit, msn me at ************@hotmail.com Then I'll make sure you have a freaking great knockball time!! Guaranteed, jawdropping, nutdropping, eyedropping, everything dropping action!!!!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jonan is like the wind,
Soaring freely everywhere;
Jonan is like the wind'
Making bunch of noises here and there.

Jonan is like a river,
Gentle and refreching;
Jonan is like a river,
Polluted and demeaning.

Ask Jonan for money,
He lends you a buck;
Ask Jonan for more money,
He'll run you over with a truck.

Jonan is like a bird,
Balancing the ecosystem;
Jonan is like a bird,
Having an overproductive rectum.

Adrian is forgiving,
Ever kind and merciful;
Jonan is also forgiving,
After a punch or two.

I'm so screwed now....
But u wanted me to write this.....
Ur poem will be tripple or quadripple.....
Goodbye...........
God Bless me....

by,

-****** ***-

.........................................................................................................................................................................
><><><><><><><><>< ===================================================================

Dearest ****** ***

silly, silly noob,
oh dear me, such a boob-
headed boy....
trying hard to annoy
one such as i

i tried to warn you
about your debut
your cutesy poetry
intricate and flowery

only without the flowers
and not to mention wit
or sense or even depth
or intricateness at that

you actually said,"the wind soars"?

is that the best that you could do?

of all verbs that you could find

only that was on your mind?

you could soar with the wind
but it does not soar with you
it is free, it is flowing
unlike your poetic poo

oh dear, how insulting

could you please respell refreshing?

or enlighten me

on what the heck is frech?

if asked for drinking-money
i'd give without a frown
but for you, i'd offer honey
and maybe arsenic to wash it down

******, silly ******,
noises do not come in bunches
and i do not require punches
to kick yer silly lil arse

oh, your 10-second rants
they cause the hair beneath my pants
to stand like needles
yes the whole kit and caboodle

not that they are arousing
or stimulating in any way
i just have a pompous abcdefghijklmnopness
and your poetry is gay

****** ***, 'lil boy-
lover, playing with his new LIL toy
or maybe he's just discovered it
accidentally "knocking" it, oh joy!
*GASP* it looks like someone's reached puberty
Or rather, "little-'self"-discovery'

i'd love so much to continue

but i have homework to do

and a life, unlike you

so goodnight, adieu adieu

No(or very little) offense. ^^

Love,

Me.

You Have Been Pwned.

when one slap across the face just isn't enough.

2008-05-07T14:26:00.006+08:00

Random post.

Hello. If u have any trouble getting slapped across the face, you should try some of these pick-up lines. Some of them are quite sweet though.... only some... or maybe just one. Most of them are cheesy. Some of them came from me...only some. Most of them, came from other sources.

Warning:
1. I'm not endorsing any of these lines.
2. They are just put up for your viewing pleasure.
3. This is to give you a taste of life and lines among youth nowadays. (Not particularly mine)
4. Sad to say, most of these actually work...
5. I've not tried any.

Hey babe, wanna get lucky?

Hey babe, wanna have my children? (No) OK then, can we just practice?

I want to put my thingy into your thingy.

Do you wanna lick my tongue?

You've been a bad, bad girl. Go to my room, NOW!

Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She'd like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning.

I'm just looking for a friend with benefits.

Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? (No.) Wink.

Nice dress. I bet it would look great on my floor.

Nice shoes. Let's have sex.

Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb!

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

How heavy is a polar bear? (I don't know) Enough to break the ice. Hi.

(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?

Do you know how to use a whip?

Do you have rope?

Do you have a name or can I call you mine?

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

You're ugly but you intrigue me

What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

Be unique and different, say yes.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Hi. Are you cute?

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

Bond. James Bond.

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

End of random post.

Of Heartbreak and Naiveness.

2008-05-07T11:24:00.011+08:00

We used to be so happy

Remember?
The pictures of us
They tell me so
Your smile...
It tells me so

You would be mine forever
Remember?
Your heartfelt words
You told me so
Your warm hands
They told me so

We'd be together forever
Remember?
Face to face
You told me so
Just your eyes
They told me so

We'd still be friends forever
Remember?
On the phone
You told me so
Tearful eyes
They told me so

You were supposed to call
Remember?
Minutes and hours
You told me so
Sleepless nights
They told me so

You'd never leave me
Remember?
You said you loved me
You told me so
The scars in my heart
They tell me so

There are no such words; forever, never
We tried, Remember?
Monotonous beeps
You left, why so?
You said to me
"I told you so"

Note: All inspiration from sadness, not experience. This poem ... is weird. I shall redo it when I feel like it.

Narcissistic love.

2008-05-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

Love, she is a snare
A dark pit of blades
In which I have fallen
Countless times
My scars remind me

Love, and despair
Hand in hand
They plow the fields
Of broken hearts
Mindless torture

They sow seeds of sorrow
They harvest, the dead
And together they feast
Love, and despair
Their selfish agenda

Such is life
So cruel, unfair
Such is love
So selfish, ruthless
Such irony...

Once more, love strikes
Once more, I fall
Foolish, yes
Yet I arise once again
To fall once more...

je t'aime: university...

2008-05-01T22:37:00.009+08:00

.i did not know i was tagged. because i did not know who he was. but now that i know, i am somewhat oblidged... without the 'di'.... 'd'. *sigh* ever heard of a blissful sigh? ah well.

1. link to your tagger and post this rules.
2. list eight (8) random facts bout yourself.
3. tag eight ppl at the end of your post and list their names
4. let them know that they have been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

eight facts bout me.

1. need a hug

2. there are only a few people that would make me feel oblidged (without the 'd') to hug back, though

3. when watching horror movies, i laugh during the scary scenes.

4. i am random

5. my floor tiles are white

6. my spoon is too big

7. i think everyone is a hypocrite. great... now i am being a hypocrite.

8. i think ignorance is bliss... ah, but so is love. so, mathematically, love is ignorance. how so? i would say that it is because when you really love someone, you automatically ignore everything that makes him/her imperfect. in your eyes, he/she will always be perfect. loving a person is indulgently ignoring the oh-so-conspicuous shroud of bad traits surrounding him/her and looking hard enough only to find that beyond the shroud, there is something more precious than any gem or pearl, more costly than gold and more valuable than diamonds. more beautiful than beautiful. so far, that thing, i believe is too valuable and complex to be defined by any human, let alone to be simplified and interpreted/deciphered by one. some people call it heart. some people call it inner/true beauty. i believe it is much more complicated than that. it is in everyone. you will only find it if you look hard enough. so, love is more than just a feeling. it is a choice. choose to love someone regardless of his/her weaknesses. to put it simply, you just love him/her for being him/her. call it being blind. call it being crazy. call it being unreasonable. but i call it love. for those who disagree, look around you. you might want to. for it is very clearly portrayed in the lives of others. in fact, the beau ideal of true love shown would be God, who loved us so much that He sent His only son to die that we may live... despite how imperfect we are. so, you do not love a person because he/she is worth it. but, he/she is worth it because you love him/her, 'it' being everything.

if there is one word that could be used to define love, what would it be? some people would say "God". i for one, would have the word "God" lingering in the corner of my mind.

i dare not answer.

Famous Last Words.

2008-04-11T19:16:00.005+08:00

Random post.

"The car seems OK..."

"Nonsense! They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance"

"Its a bird, its a plane.... its... a piano....."

"Nice doggy"

"Go to hell"

"Oooo... what does this button do?"

"Excuse me, who do you think you are?"

"Please don't hurt me"

"I can fly!"

"Oops"

"The light..... so.... beautiful....." *zap*

"Ready? Watch this"

"Actually... aren't these mushrooms supposed to be poisonous?"

"You think you're so tough, eh... Mr. Hannibal"

"The red wire?"

"I've done this so many times, I could do it without thinking of doing it"

"Okay... now lower it down slowly... gently.."

"Forty days and forty nights? Flood? Nonsense"

"You wouldn't dare"

"I'm still alive!"

"Thanks!"

"Tell Laura I love her"

"I'll gut him like a fish"

"Talk to the hand"

"Stingrays are the most peaceful creatures in the world. Watch as I use my chest to grab its tail"

End of random post.

balderdash.

2008-03-31T23:18:00.007+08:00

tAGGED by Key Eternal

List 10 fictional characters you wouldn't kick out of bed(in no particular order) and tag five people to do the same.

1. Pink Ranger.
Because she is pink.

2. Yellow Ranger.
She is not pink.

3. My imaginary friend, Jo.
He/she is always in bed with me.

4. Garfield.
Comic characters are not meant to be kicked out of bed. Instead, they are meant to be sketched and drawn in little comic strips; comic strips in which they are brutally slaughtered. The great thing about that is that you get to do it not once, not twice, but as many times as you like, and! using as many creative methods possible. Oh joy!

5. An honest politician.
No comment. ^^

6. King Kong.
Awaken a 30 ton gorilla from its slumber on account of me being ridiculously territorial? Heh.. no.

7. Achmed.
He'll kill me. I'd take his word for it.

8. Dr Tran.
He's awesome
And...
He's a DOCTOR!

9. She.
If she would appear in my bed, she would doubtlessly be fictional. "She better be," says mum.

10. The two people who actually read my blog.
If I kick you out of bed, who is going to read my blog?

Gehenna: Pollyanna's Abyss

2008-03-27T00:04:00.015+08:00

a step at a time
endless it seems

this journey
i grow weary

time stands still

the light...

seems ever so distant

the light...
so beautiful
it shines...

it lies..

across the darkness

so distant
why?

i toil

every breath draws sweat

every step draws blood

blood and sweat, the indicium of life

but not for long

here...

death is inevitable

my strength fails me

my feet stumble

i fall upon the ashes

of what used to be

companions

i close my eyes

dust restricting visual sense

i lay still

trauma impeding movement

maybe one day

one day i will relinquish completely my impuissance

one day i will reach the unaproachable light

one day i will see beyond this incessant darkness

one day i will live among the stars

one day...

i will be free

one fine day

with that day in mind

i arise once more....

despondent.

2008-03-01T12:18:00.004+08:00

blackness

the night sky
exanimate...
such is his soul
misty-eyed, he stares
into the deep nothingness
such is his soul

dear hope,
she is the eventide sun
whose rays have faded
she is but an afterglow
her glimmer is faint
in the overpowering darkness
time, her nemesis
she is but a dying star
her glimmer is faint

scarce hope
his sole refuge
tainted, his senses
the lonesome child
of no tomorrow
perverse, his senses

faraway from home

far from love
despair
fills his heart

beating in redundance, the crimson void
despair

his silent cries
remain unheard
the rain shadows his tears
his redundant prayers
remain unanswered
the pain drowns his tears

unable to harness
his strength
so obselete.

he is broken

Note: My writings are irrelevent to what i feel and are therefore written for no purpose at all.

in flagrante delicto: adultera

2008-02-26T20:14:00.009+08:00

Part 1 - ardor.
You sit and wait for someone charming
You sit and wait for someone dear
Your velvet gown oh so alluring
Your satin sash draws people near

Those finespun straps across your back
Oh, you stand out, madame in black
Those glorious pearls around your neck
Oh, lustrous curls leave me, a wreck

With silken texture, your crimson skin
Your shapely silhouette, humbles the violin
Your auburn hair, resembling autumn leaves
This beauty, beyond what one could perceive

Part 2 - compulsion.
May I have this dance, I humbly ask
You nod elegantly in approval
A fortunate man, given such a task
Despite sensing prodigious upheaval

The violins, double bass, bandoneons and guitar
Accompanied by the brusquely played piano
And so, we begin walking, the caminada
I've always adored the Argentine tango

Part 3 - submergence.
It feels so alive, to be free
And so we dance, freely

So sensual, almost in love
So obscene, almost erotic
So tender, yet so violent
So docile, yet so reckless
We consume one another

As i embrace you in my arms
So close
I could smell your sweet scent
So intoxicating, almost arousing
The spiteful crowd watches
As your legs rub against mine
And so we dance, passion-filled
Your hips firm against mine
For a brief moment
I swear you were mine

End - evanescent.
The music rises to climax
Our last moments as one
It ends almost abruptly
While it lasted, it was fun

So fair, yet fleeting
So near, yet so far...

to reconcile or not to reconcile.

2008-02-24T00:32:00.010+08:00

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
and so...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
wat is it that u want

someone says:
what do you think i want

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
sorry...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
often i do not feel like mindreading.

someone says:
well. same here.

someone says:
i don't feel like reading my own mind now.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
and so your mind has a mind of its own...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
and u actually have to read it..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
pretty amusing..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
now u have me thinking..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
do i push the button...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
or do i not..

someone says:
as you wish.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
a huge part of me says yes

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
yet i engage in meaningless conversation

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
with myself AND u ,mind u..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
the first choice wasnt mine to make..

someone says:
i didn't expect you to unblock me.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
neither did i.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
i guess i have nothing to lose

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
never did.

someone says:
oh. okay.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
as i didnt say we weren't friends...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
neither did i say we were...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
you're just part of the gang...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
that i deleted...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
like 100++ of them...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
and i notice...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
when i talk to u...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
most of the time im talking to myself..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
which brings me to wonder...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
why so peculiar?

someone says:
why not

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
ah..

someone says:
i've never been so talkative anyway.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
another question raised

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
and another answer...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
note to self...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
currently talking to myself on msn..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
not something id ususally do.

someone says:
yeaaa.

someone says:
so why did you

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
so many questions..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
so lil time..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
why did i..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
talk to myself on msn..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
have to ask myself that.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
when the answer is so clearly laid out before me

someone says:
which is

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
now...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
why would i tell u

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
the reason

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
im talking to myself

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
on msn

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
why.

someone says:
fine. don't.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
fine. won't.

someone says:
okay.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
this.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
is gettin me nowhere.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
yet i stay... have a little chat... indulge the bored part of me....

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
have i overstayed my welcome...

someone says:
hahahaha.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
ah.

someone says:
you decide.

someone says:
lol

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
occasional laughter

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
more laughter..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
well... 'internet' laughter.

someone says:
hahaha

someone says:
real life too.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
hmm.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
i feel

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
this is not for me to decide.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
i feel somewhat indifferent

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
u seem the same...

someone says:
hmmm.

someone says:
maybe.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
maybe...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
in this case...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
in my little dictionary of jumbled up mistranslations...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
it means..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
yes i feel very indifferent.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
choice 1.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
no. i do not feel indifferent at all.. in fact, you have overstayed your welcome. im just not saying it.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
choice 2.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
2 entries for "maybe" under these circumstances

someone says:
only two

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
ah well..

someone says:
and what is same anyway

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
well..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
the first one is neither here nor there.... but with a somewhat agitated expression

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
the second is definitely "there"...

someone says:
there

someone says:
where is that

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
well...

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
definitely not here, is it?

someone says:
nope.

someone says:
lol

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
more internet laughter.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
humour me.

someone says:
how

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
its alright..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
im very good at internet laughter.

someone says:
yes. so am i.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
i know

someone says:
*emoticon*

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
...show off..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
ur just lucky u have emoticons...

someone says:
hahahaha.

someone says:
i don't need emoticons.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
yes..

someone says:
lol lol lol lol lol lol xD xD xD xD lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
haha

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
is all i can say

someone says:
uh huh.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
is all u can say

someone says:
uh huh.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
right.

someone says:
uh huh.

someone says:
lol

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
brb (toilet break after so much thinking and mindreading)

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
and so im back.

someone says:
hi.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
deposited my mental waste.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
ah.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
the niceties.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
hi.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
i forgot to say that as well.

someone says:
uh huh.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
so.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
r u bz?

someone says:
hmmm.

someone says:
no.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
yet..

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
nevermind.

someone says:
well, i'm always slow.

someone says:
so its expected.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
ah.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
can u start reading YOUR OWN mind now?

someone says:
erm

someone says:
lazy laaaa.

someone says:
why

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
for reasons unknown, mdear.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
reasons unknown.

someone says:
hahaha.

someone says:
so why should i do it for reasons unknown

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
more reasons unknown, mdear.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
reasons unknown.

someone says:
okay.

ne sutor ultra crepidam says:
.....amusing.

The Stalker; the fool

2008-02-22T23:05:00.007+08:00

I miss the day I saw your face
When your eyes would reflect fear
I want to hold you in my arms
Don't leave, I am here

I miss the day we held that gaze
Into each other's eyes
If that had happened, of all clichés
Would you see through my guise

I miss the day you called my name
Your voice, a song to my ears
Everyday I longed for it
And each day seemed like years

I miss the day your hand met mine
It could've been, I swear
It could've been so beautiful
This intricate affair

I miss the day your lips met mine
The day that never was
I miss you so; I perish,I pine
I miss you just because

concrete notions of the abstract mind

2008-02-20T02:56:00.014+08:00

a day too late..
the unalterable fate

those awkward moments, remain unspent
the simple rules of love, remain unbent

my deepest fears, left unfed
my hardened tears, left unshed

those common, overrated words, remain unspoken
my fragile, debilitated heart, remains unbroken

my only song, left unsung
the battles past, left unwon

a day too late..
the unalterable fate

apathy.

2008-02-18T23:00:00.017+08:00

7.00 pm.
5 hours to my birthday

8.00 pm.
4 hours to my birthday

9.00 pm.
3 hours to my birthday

10.00 pm.
2 hours to my birthday

11.00 pm.
1 hour to my birthday

11.30 pm.
1/2 hour to my birthday

11.59 pm.
1 minute to my birthday

12.00 am.
my birthday...... why is there such a weird sense of stoicism coming over me?
I know it is actually 11.00pm, Monday, 18th February 2008... stupid Daylight Savings Time.

Well, to make things simple, most, if not all my previous birthdays have never encouraged mass production of serotonin(happy juice) in my brain or the good ol' heightened adrenaline secretion. To make things simpler, I dreaded my birthdays. Well... I guess it isn't a good thing to do, is it?

But let me take you on a journey; just to allow you to get a clear picture of "one of Jonan's sucky birthdays". Let us go back 1 year.... or maybe 3. Back to the year 200- ok...... 4 years. Gosh, I'm getting old.

Most probably a Thursday, 19th February 2004. I was a 14 year old boy; young, stupid, clever, self-contradicting, demented, energetic, naive.... you name it. And so, that day was my birthday, most probably a Thursday. So if I could remember it correctly, I woke up late that morning and I left home late for school and got spanked. In those days, the discipline teacher was very passionate about his job. Now, it's much worse. It's like a sport. Anyway, back to the year 2004. In those days, getting spanked by the teacher was like the good ol' classic "Britney Spears divorce case"; always expected and always eventual. So, I thought nothing of it. However, getting spanked at the beginning of the day isn't something I'd call 'good luck'.

So, I was in pain when I went to class. Like I said earlier, the discipline teacher was very passionate about his job; VERY passionate. The moment I entered the class, I had tons work to do(as usual). It was crazy. What can I say? My teachers are sadistic idiots. In class, none of my friends wished me happy birthday. Some of them forgot. Most of them didn't know. Halfway through that already exhausting day, I got caught in some stupid feud. To cut the long, verbose story short, the whole class did some stupid stuff and when the discipline teacher came, all fingers were pointed at me, all because I was holding the last handful of flour. I was, am, and always will be a victim of 'bad timing'. It happens. That was not the first time... and definitely not the last. That's life. Well.. mine, I guess. More spankings and lectures. Oh joy....

So, school ended and I was happy for the first time, that day. My friend offered to take me out for lunch. "YES!!!!!! MAKAN!"; the thoughts that crossed my non-clairvoyant mind. We went to some place. Once again, to cut the long story short, we waited 1 hour just to eat the food, which wasn't that nice. Well, it was nice. But it definitely was not worth the wait. Of course, we complained. But the cook didn't have a very good attitude towards customers. She was the kind of person who would say,"If you don't want to wait, don't eat!"

So, I came home, pretty much stressed from a long and tiring day. Took a bath and ate my dinner. Celebrated birthday with family. Stress-release therapy~! Some people drink tequila, while others listen to music. I go online, play games on the computer and sometimes, I play the piano. On that day, I went online. Was so happy because my crush was online as well. Shortlived euphoria. I was halfway in a conversation with my crush when my mum came into the computer room and told me to study. I, being the rebellious idiot I was then(still pretty much am), had a little argument with my mum, telling her that I've only been on the computer for 15 minutes.... and when I am stressed out and in need of a little break, arguing with my mum is not what I would call therapy. That's not the best part; arguing with mum means extra half an hour spent listening to a long lecture. Mum always wins. So, in the end I went upstairs to my room to study.

And that, my two most loyal readers, is how most of my birthdays turn out.

Ennui.

2008-02-18T19:48:00.003+08:00

Dear readers(yes, the both of you),

I am obliged to do this because as you can see, my sister "tagged" me.

1. What do you like the most?
Thinking

2. The thing you desire the most.
Solace

3. The thing you value the most.
A group of people I call family..

4. Important treasure.
*cough*

5. The most expensive item you've bought.
Insurance.

6. When do you feel happiness?
Happiness... if by happiness you mean brief moments of ecstasy due to sudden increase of serotonin production and heightened adrenaline, then i get occasionally happy. What do you mean by "when"?

7. What made you sad recently?
Long story.

8. Things you want to learn.
There are too many to mention.

9. Your dream when you were young.
to grow up to be old.

10. If there's $100 million, how will you use it?
Invest invest invest. Get twice as much money and use 85% of total funds on more investments.

11.If you're going on a vacation, what one thing will you bring?
the other 15% of the money.

12. If you have 3 wishes.
a) I wish to gain all the knowledge in the world
b) I wish to be content with life.
c) I wish for 3 more wishes.

13. When was the last time you cried?
Long time ago.

14. Do you feel happiness now?
I feel rather indifferent

15. What does life mean to you?
Life is like a rough diamond. It needs a good polishing but it is nonetheless, too precious to pelt the depths of hell with.

16. If you can only bring 3 things with you.
More indifference.

17. If you can only live one more year.
I'll start it off with a shot of vodka.

18. Tag 5 person.
Serene
Andrea G.
Sharon
Michel
Q. Wei

Pissed, but relieved.

2008-02-12T23:10:00.009+08:00

Okay. And so, it is time to change something. My concerned friends keep asking,"Why isn't your blog about you?" I have no answer. Well, I do. To put it in very simple words.... if I've said this once, I've said this a million times.

Dear diary,
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG~!!!!!!! Today she looked at me again!!! I swear!!! OMG! Then she asked to borrow my pencil!! *gasp* SHE TOUCHED MY PENCIL!!!! OMG! Oh... her smile......... *sigh* Oh !!! If only dreams came true.... *sigh*

The above paragraph is an example of how I do not want to write my posts. But, if you would like to know a little about me, I shall give it to you. Warning: Random stuff. Don't say I didn't warn you.

AUSTRALIA IN GENERAL

Bizarre/Interesting/Happy/Sad things.

Christmas Day - Australians really know how to celebrate christmas day.

Boxing Day - An excuse for Australians to have 2 days off to celebrate Christmas.

Summer - It was reported the hottest December in australia in decades.

Australia Day - Australians REALLY REALLY REALLY know how to celebrate Australia day.

No rain - The day I arrived in Australia was the last day it rained.

Demise - The day I arrived in Australia, the family-that-I'm-staying-with's dog died. *sad*

Skirties - High School girls in Australia wear miniskirts. *dribbles* *cough*

More.... much much more.....

Words I'm really SICK of hearing:
"So you've been staying in australia for a very long time now?"
"You are Chinese? I thought you were Malaysian!"
"Wow! You speak good English!"
"Do all of your friends speak English?"
"Is English compulsary as a subject in Malaysian schools?"
"No, I'm not ignorant"

AT THE MALL

The mall is like any other mall, I guess. This one has 3 supermarkets. But, it is the typical mall. Shops at the sides, walking in the middle and signs pointing to what I assume, are toilets. The toilets for some reason, have 2 doors. Why? I'm not the right person to ask. Anyway, mall toilets here are like mall toilets in Malaysia; dirty and filled with crappy, unintelligible, unintelligent writings on the walls written most probably by unintelligent persons. So...

Today, I decided to drop off a few logs in the toilet, if you catch my drift. I went to the toilet and there were 2 cubicles. Both of which had locked doors. One was occupied, the other was not. So, I thought to myself,"how la?" And so, I waited. I waited long enough, when the door opened and a huge guy stepped out of the little cubicle. (NOTE: If you plan to eat dinner after reading this, it is not too late to stop) He had a huge beard, a pot belly and short, stubby legs. In my extraordinary book of partly misguided translations, big guy = big poop. So, I carefully walked into the cubicle and caught a glimpse of the bowl. Sure enough, there was some residue left at the side of the bowl. It was brown with slight traces of green. Aussies love salad.... and avocados....

Flush toilet: attempt number 1.
Shifted residue from the side of the bowl to the middle of the bowl. Residue broke... not a very nice picture.

Flush toilet: attempt number 2.
Failed. Not enough water. Repeats attempts for approx. 6 times.

While I was trying to flush the toilet, my arse was experiencing labour pains. I really didn't want to do it, but I had no choice. I had to meet the deadline... before it met me. So, I quickly took some toilet paper and put it in the bowl, to prevent water and other stuff from splashing upwards(right, the ancient technique practiced by the superior monks in DengDeng Mountain). Reluctantly, I sat down.... and unleashed all hell. After voiding faeces from my bowels, I used the toilet paper to *cough* *cough*.... that good for nothing budget toilet paper! So thin.... It was difficult; really difficult. But somehow, I managed. Yea! The art of folding thin toilet paper into extra thick bed sheets. So glad I learnt those ancient hygenical arts techniques. I gazed into the bowl, which was then lavishly filled with toilet paper.....

A brief moment of silence passed. The last drop of sweat, suspended from my brow. I shut my eyes tight, wishing I was back home; the sweat released. With a deep sigh, I placed a trembling hand on the lever and pulled it, sending everything, the residue, my fertiliser and a kilogramme of toilet paper into the swirling, watery oblivion.

And I, left the cubicle; "pissed, but relieved".

The mall toilets of Australia.....

.........well, at least the seat was warm.

fait accompli: unintended

2008-02-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

“How could you do this to me? I thought you were my friend”

It has already been 10 years and I could still hear those words ringing inside my head. I could still feel the guilt inside of me. The memories of ‘the incident’ return to haunt me all the time. Along with those memories come feelings of remorse and morbid self-reproach. I could still remember it rather clearly, the night that I betrayed my best friend, Edward Eng. The mere thought of his name brings a cold chill down my spine, banishing me into a state of depression. As if I’m not depressed already. My poor heart. He and I were inseparable. I would never do anything to betray him. Well, not on purpose, that is. I treasured our friendship.... I'm serious. I really did....

Come to think of it, it wasn’t as if I had meant to betray Edward. Yeah, it wasn’t like I was planning it all along. After all, it was he who brought it all upon himself, not telling me that he still had feelings for Ashley. He should have told me. Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything; am I not right? Well, I should be. So, it was his fault for not telling me. In fact, I thought he had forgotten all about her. Well, that was until the night he saw both of us together. No! Of course I’m not going to tell you what I did with her. We shall spare the details, shall we now? No, really. There is nothing you could do to convince me to tell you about what we did. Anyway, back to the story. I tried my best to explain to him but it was a hopeless effort. Enough said. He ran off into the darkness and I’ve never seen him since.

I heard from a friend of a friend that recently, he’s obtained his degree in Actuarial Science and went on to become an actuary; well, whatever that is. Anyway, thinking back, I can’t help feeling that it’s such a sad ending to so many years of friendship. We were friends since our brains started functioning. However, I can understand his feelings. Being betrayed by some normal friend was bad enough. The worst thing was that I was his best friend. It must’ve been really hard for him to even imagine that I would do such a thing to him. Still, I feel that it was his fault for not telling me that he still liked her.

So, there I was, 10 years after ‘the incident’, sitting all by myself in a bus heading home where my dear Jasmine and baby Michael were. Yes, you've guessed it. I didn't end up with Ashley either. You see, things became a wee bit awkward after that night and we drifted pretty much apart, i guess. I still think of her though, even though I now have Jasmine. Jasmine is... a good cook... and she cleans as well; and she's... a nice... lady. I think I'm better off with her, aren't I? Well...?

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Well... let's just say things are a wee bit complicated. Oh my goodness! I ran off course. So, where was I? Oh yes, 10 years after the incident. So many questions rushing through my brain. I was thinking, "Why am I still thinking about the incident? Why do I still feel so guilty? After all, 10 years had already passed; 10, long years! The milk has been spilt; 10 years ago and I’m crying over it now? Isn’t that illogical?" That's a lot of deep thought, I know.

I was continuing to ask myself these questions as the bus stopped at one of the stations. Suddenly, a man, dressed in a scruffy-looking polo shirt and blue denim jeans got on the bus and sat right in front of me. That man looked horribly familiar. “Edward? Could it really be him?” I thought to myself. It hardly seemed possible. I bent over to catch a few glimpses of him. At that time, I was certain that it was Edward. His hair was combed using Edward's nerdy signature style, the same unique style that he used long ago. A small heart-shaped mole could be seen on his left cheek. Very conspicuous. His skin was still as dark as it used to be and his fashion sense had not changed the slightest bit. In fact, about his appearance, nothing much had changed, except that now, he has a moustache, spectacles and a much larger body than before. Even the way he walked had not changed. His style of walking was inimitable. He had the graces of a horse; trotting about.

I wondered if he still recognized me. Perhaps he didn’t or he wouldn’t have taken the seat right in front of me. I felt like saying “hello” but I was feeling rather shy. Actually, I was more worried than being shy. "Is he still angry over what happened? Does he still hate me?" I thought. I hoped not but I was about to find out. I stood up and took a deep breath, trying to relax. "I'm going to die". After gathering up all my courage, I finally managed to find that blasted mouth of mine. “Hello, my dear sir. Since we’re the only ones on this bus, I hope you do not mind me introducing myself. Jonan Wong; I used to study in SMK Anderson. Class of 2005 and 2006. Isn’t the weather just lovely today?” I stammered. Then, I waited for his reply. He stared right through me as if he knew me and I could tell that I was familiar to him as well. He tried hard to find the words to say. Flabbergasted; I could tell he was.

And so, he was speechless for awhile, but soon after that, his reply came, “Hello, I’m Charles Lee, Saint Michael’s Institution. Class of 2003. Yes, the weather today is indeed lovely."

Disclaimer: The name of the girl(Ashley) was changed to protect her identity.

my story[old].

2008-02-10T23:37:00.001+08:00

[Verse 1]
I woke up it was seven
I studied till eleven
Just to figure out that I'm gonna die
I think I'd get a lot of A's
But that's what everyone says
What's one more exam getting blown
When you're spending everyday on the phone
And here it goes

[Chorus]
I'm just a kid and exams give me nightmares
I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair
All the teachers should do the tests and all the
Students should just have recess
That's right

[Verse 2]
And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl up to my bed
I'm staring at my Bio again
I try to think about the last time, I had a nap time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own
So here it goes

[Bridge]
What the cell is wrong with me
Not as smart as anybody
Why does this happen to me?
Drank that stupid coffee I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worse night ever

I'm just a kid [repeat x5]

I'm just a kid and exams give me nightmares
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares cause I'm an S2 student
Nobody wants to be an S2 student

I'm just a kid and exams give me nightmares
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
All the teachers should do the tests and all the
All the teachers should do the tests and all
All the teachers should do the tests and all the
Students should just have recess
That's right

Study alone tonight
Not gonna sleep tonight
'Cause I'm just a kid tonight

Aground.

2008-02-09T18:21:00.009+08:00

My love, lacking true form
I remain inarticulate
A sigh is forced
In times of blissful ignorance
Blissful ignorance indeed

Amalgamated emotions, love and hatred
Rationality of which, defined by none other
This delicate silence, I abhor
Why don't you say something?

You took my heart away
Then you return it, broken
Sorry, you say yet
You do it again and again

But I'll never stop you
From doing that
Because loving you with
A broken heart seems better
Than nothing
Blissful ignorance indeed

If I were a sailor
You would resemble the wind
Unpredictable and uncalled for
Blowing me sweet kisses one day
And leaving me shipwrecked, another

If I were a gambler
You would resemble money
Coming and going, just as you please
And everytime you go I get the feeling that
You are leaving me for someone else

Would it be too cliché
If you said that I'm the one
The one whom u love
Dearly...

Would it be too shameful
To love me as you should
Uttering those words
Which you claim were from your heart
Yet your actions suggest otherwise

Such pain I feel, deep down inside
Would you please end this misery
Instead, you laugh
And you say "I do not know"
"I am not sure" and "maybe"
Leaving me here...
Hanging on the rope of despair

Rendering me speechless
You are...
Causing me to fall; hopelessly in love
When you won't catch me at all
At least, your unwilling arms
Do not deceive me
As your words have.

Imminency.

2008-02-09T17:19:00.000+08:00

the pendulum swings
naturally....
and time is of the essence
another minute of awkward silence creeps by
as i lie in wait
contemplating....

lost in thought
will i live to fight tomorrow?
nothing but time will tell
tomorrow's arrival manifest
those hands, casually-wound
lost time assessed

slowly but surely
this blissful indulgence
comes to an end
everything seems eventual
yet nothing seems certain
will tomorrow come too soon?
or just soon enough

slowly but surely
the seasons change
as the days past
the weeks sneak by
the future becomes the present
and the present passes away
leaving memories
forsaken, lost traces of the past

time, plays in the corners
of my mind
vain, vague and irony-filled
time, beyond redemption
the genocidal mastermind

and so my days, numbered
count for nothing
vanity manifests
i care not
not a hoot given
regrets, i have none

i just lie here
blissfully
i remain and watch
as the pendulum swings

Eureka.

2008-02-03T20:38:00.001+08:00

Hello, guys. Girlfriend trouble? Trying desperately to lose a girl? Well, never fear! This post gives you ten very simple instructions on "how to lose a girl". If you haven't tried these, you truly are not desperate enough. In 10 very practical and easy steps, we'll guarantee good riddance, or your money back. For those who got their money back: Your girlfriend is just disgusting.

Disclaimer: This is strictly for viewing displeasure, and for males who aspire to lose their preferably female, counterparts by being total idiots. The anonymous-writer-of-this-blog's name is NOT Jonan. He/She will NOT be responsible for any deterioration of sex life, social stigma, injury or accidental(death by lipstick/death by handbag/death by poodle/death by engagement ring) or non-accidental death that may befall users of this "product". If all is understood, here goes.

1. Educate her on the art of slashing tyres.

2. On a date. Before you both eat, rub ur nose till u feel like sneezing and spray the food. Tell her that you are saving money by laying off the sauce. As she looks at you in disgust, offer to give her some.

3. Blatantly describe your "package" to her in the presence of her girlfriends(no matter how small it is).

4. Tell her about your "intimate moments" with ALL your previous "partners". Feel free to elaborate. Describe each bit with enthusiasm. If you could, use visual aids. At the same time, compare her "performance" to all of them.

5. Stare at her chest for approximately 10 seconds and frown. Be very conspicuous about it. Then, quickly turn and stare at another girl's chest and smile sheepishly. Next, excuse yourself to go to the toilet. Come back half an hour later.

6. Arrange a date with her. Offer to pick her up. Go clubbing with some friends instead. When she calls to find out where you are, the loud music should give her a few hints. Give her the lousiest alibi ever. Like, "I'm sorry. My dog is sick. So....."

7. Keep pestering her for sex. If she says no, keep it up. She will run away from you soon enough. If she says yes, BRING OUT THE THROWING-KNIVES, SPINNING-BOARD AND BLINDFOLD! WE'RE IN FOR ONE ROUGH NIGHT! Well. Chances are, having her limbs chopped off wouldn't be her idea of foreplay. But if it is, just tie her up to the board, blindfold her and make a run for it.

8. Show her your personal collection of spiked gothic condoms.

9. Take her out on a date. Dress up as Darth Vader. Talk to her using only quotes from the Star Wars films.

10. Engage in a very romantic/erotic conversation with her over the phone and just as things begin to heat up, call her by her sister's name.

coup de grâce: euthanasia.

2008-01-17T07:57:00.000+08:00

Kim was nervous as the door opened. Heh... Who wouldn't be?
Kim was a middle-aged man, with a crooked nose, a short neck, a barrel chest, and a beer belly. He had more hair on one side of his head than on the other. He had to comb the hair over the other side to "hide his baldness". Ironic, really. His fingers showed early signs of arthritis. He limped whenever he walked; the wounds from the war were beginning to get the better of him. Kim had always been prone to injury. In those days, injuries would come and go. It was only later in life that he realised that the price of injuries had to be paid in installments over a period of 80 years. So there he was; just sitting there, rubbing his sweaty palms against the sides of his thighs. He did that whenever he was nervous. Other than that, he would pray. But nothing, not even prayer, could spare him his fate; that he would die one day... and so, the door opened.
Out of the door came a woman in her early twenties. She had glossy, wavy, auburn hair, silken eyelashes, full, luscious lips, a firm chest, a slender body with sleek, silky skin and the most alluring eyes; the indescribable beauty that can truly be comprehended only by those who behold it. Even better, She wore a pair of stiletto heels and a very low-cut nurse's uniform, which proudly revealed a red, laced brassiere strap. To put it in short, simpler words, she was sex on legs. She opened her mouth to speak. "Doctor House will see you now," she said(much to the disappointment of all the readers of this blog; all 2 of them). Kim stood up and limped across the hall, all the way to the door. Hesitantly, he put his hand to the knob and twisted it.
In the office, Doctor House was sitting in his chair with his feet on top of the desk. In one hand, he held an mp3 player and in the other, his cane, with which, he bounces balls off the floors of his office. He smirked as the knob squeaked. The door opened.
"You are Kim? Kim Langsley?" asked the surprised Doctor House. He was one of the greatest diagnosticians in the world. However, he always had a hard time remembering his patients. "Yes that would be me," Kim stammered. "You have a high-grade, inoperable tumour in your brain, which basically means that the tumour, which is in your brain cannot be operated on. This is simply because we cannot operate without killing you in the process. So, basically, if you'd like to proceed with the operation, you'd have to be dead. Halt. Redundancy check. The operation is supposed to keep you alive and that is already redundant on its own. Operating would be a waste of time, effort and money. So, to put it in simpler words, you have one week. I suggest you spend that week with your family, if you have one." Doctor House spat out those words without an ounce of tact. "I'm going to die on my birthday?" Kim asked. "Yes. Ironic. Yes, I guess it is. C'est la vie, eh?" said Doctor House.
Kim merely stood there in the brief silence. To make it cliché, his whole life flashed before his eyes. Millions of thoughts filled his mind, confusing him. Everyone is doomed to die. It is not knowing when that grips us with fear. Kim, however, was just informed of "the deadline" and he began to fear death even more. Kim began to think about his past. About his wife and children; how he abused their tender love and care. About his "loved ones" and how he never really knew them. About his friends and how he never cared. He couldn't be bothered. All he loved and cared about was himself and his country, as if his country loved him back. Old Uncle Sam left him in the war for dead. But celebrated along when he returned, a hero, along with a few hundred thousand men. His country did not love him. It just shared the plunder.
Kim didn't leave a legacy. He did not make an impact on any of the people he met. No lives have been touched by him. He was never a husband, never a father, never a friend, never a man. He was just a soldier... and a soldier was all that he would be; right to his dying day. Kim, after having thought about this, began to cry. At first the tears fell, one by one. A while later, the floodgates broke open. He wept piteously. Deep in his heart he begged God for one more chance; one more chance to right his wrongs. He was never worthy of that luxury; never was and never will be. It did not take him long to realise that life was short. But it took him long to realise he had to make good use of it. He finally saw it... the vanity of life itself. It was already too late. Nothing could be done for him. When he leaves the world, he would be remembered, only as one of the few hundred thousand who returned from the war. If he had died in the war, at least his name and contribution would have been written in stone.
Doctor House watched in such amusement as Kim wept pathetically. Doctor House has always been a jerk, but what he was about to say next was just wrong. "I was just kidding! You do not have any tumour at all. In fact, you are extremely healthy, except for the early signs of arthritis on your fingers. Typical wear and tear; it is perfectly normal. It looks like the army did you some good after all, Kim."
That tragic day was the day Kim Langsley died. He had a heart attack.

All I Could Say Was 3 .s

2008-01-11T22:29:00.000+08:00

Our love blossomed as spring had begun
As beautiful flowers bloomed under the sun
You held my hand and you touched my heart
From that moment on, we would never part
It felt like magic, the love that we shared
the greatest feeling that I've ever had
So I decided to let my words be few
For my heart spoke of an eternity with you

Then summer came and spring had to go
As for our love, it continued to grow
Then I was certain about you and I
That our young love would never die
Love grew deeper with each new day
We thought our summer would forever stay
Foolish we were, indulging in such bliss
We thought it would actually last like this

Our dear summer ended with a sigh
Leaves began falling, autumn drew nigh
Losing the magic that spring had brought
We gave our love second thoughts
Then I held you close and began to say
Don't leave, everything will be okay
But the change we felt could not be denied
For autumn had come, summer had died

And 'twas the end of summer's reign
With autumn's approach and with it, much pain
But pain wasn't the word to describe it
For it was only the tiniest bit
Of the tip of the iceberg that autumn brought
Beneath it all was worse than we thought
'twas then I really began to appreciate
The love we once shared as it moved towards hate
Autumn leaves fell, slowly, turning to gray
As did our love, slowly fading away
autumn was longer than we thought it would be
We wished what came next would come hastily

I went all out and said, "Come what may!"
"Be careful what you wish for," I heard some say
For out of the blue came a hint of snow
You gave me 'that look' and I said, "I know"
With a peck on the cheek we sealed our goodbyes
How I wish I could wipe those tears off your eyes
How I wish I could hold your hand once again
To say that our love would forever remain
But now I sit here all by myself, and all by myself I linger
With deep regret because I expected our love to last forever
But like the trees that fade and the flowers that wither
Our love wasn't strong enough to survive the winter

The Sweetest Memory

2006-09-24T16:55:00.000+08:00

Kenangan Terindah

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang t'lah hilang

Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku

~~~~

Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itu pun aku mampu

Untuk mengenangmu

~~~~

Darimu kutemukan hidupku

Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

~~~~

Chorus: Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau

Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang t'lah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

~~~~

Darimu kutemukan hidupku

Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

~Samsons

---------------------------------------

The Sweetest Memory

I am weak without you

I become vulnerable because

the Love that was lost

from you could've lifted me

~~~~

As long as these eyes can see,

Until this heart stops beating

For as long as I can afford

To remember you

~~~~

In you, I found my life

To me, your love is pure

~~~~

Chorus: When what was fated for me

Becomes the best for you

I will make you

my life's sweetest memory

But it wasn't easy for me

To leave the tracks of my life

That was carved eternal

as the sweetest memory

~~~~

In you, I found my life

To me, your love is pure

This song is very meaningful. Somehow when i listen to it, i terasa. If you think that its probably because of someone then maybe ur right. However, that's for me to know...and not for you to find out... MOVING ON. Its a nice song, rite? Currently sucking at changing topics. Translation was done by a person who goes by the name Midnite Lily.